10 things you will find yourself doing…

In no particular order, you will one day find that you:


1) are inadvertently sucking on a dummy. And have been for sometime. Possibly in public.

2) go out knowingly wearing clothing that has either baby vomit, baby snot, formula, breast milk or possibly baby poo on it.

3) have started having normal grown up conversations with your baby, about what’s on tv, the news, celebrity gossip, political machinations over the middle east crisis etc. These conversations will start occurring in your kitchen. But will subsequently occur in the car. In the supermarket. On the high street. In front of people you don’t know.

4) think 9pm is a late night.

5) have started turning the tv down in case you can’t hear the baby crying. The baby who could possibly raise the dead from the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. But nonetheless, you have the bedroom door slightly ajar and the baby monitor on. Full volume.

6) begin wondering when the spare room and the hallway and the kitchen became a Chinese laundry. How does one small child create so much washing?

7) …. Now what was that thing I was thinking about again?…

8) pretend to be asleep for the first few cries. Either baby may go back to sleep or better half may feel more guilty.

9) now realise every other driver on the planet is a total moron.

10) will never ever over pack for yourself again. Because you don’t have any luggage allowance or car boot space left after all the crap you take for him.

11) are so tired you lose track of what you’re doing.  So you put the mobile phone in the dishwasher, the dirty nappy in the washing machine and the empty bottle and teat in the bin. God knows where you put the used bib.


5 thoughts on “10 things you will find yourself doing…

  1. Haha. Brilliant!! My fav is when you realising you are rocking from side to side in the supermarket queue – not even holding the baby. Becomes so automatic it caught me out on a number of embarrassing occassions!

  2. With you on the other drivers thing – also had the hernia inducing rage when an idiot parks so close to the side of the car with the baby seat in it you can’t get the door open wide enough to squeeze the little one in, cueing a not so hilarious ” where to put the baby while you back the car out enough to get the baby in” dilemma or having to insert small one across the back seat from the other side. Even less funny when you have car seats on both sides…..

    Plus disabled people who park in parent and child slots because they are closer to the entrance of the shop. Aargh!

  3. I guess you can add counting to 10 to that list ;0)

    Guilty of all the above, ESP number 11, put the bib in the bin and the nappy and wipes in the washing machine on Tues!

  4. Genius; particularly love the bit about having grown up conversations with the baby! I did that and still do with my 2 who are still clearly not old enough to understand my rantings regarding the US Republican party or indeed the “Help to Buy” scheme and the effect on the UK economy! However they ARE old enough to look at me askance; tut “mummy” and wander off to watch Cbeebies or CBBC depending on the child in question! x

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