You may be one of those couples who never argue. You may be one of those couples who always do. You may not be in a functioning relationship with an Other Half. Whatever, there will be someone or several people who you will interact with when you are tired, fed up or terrified you’re doing it all wrong. The worst thing to do at this point is alienate those you need most. But there will be a point when you think your Better Half is a staggering dipshit (warning, don’t actually use that word – it all goes very quiet when you do) and they think you are an overly emotional, hormonal cow dressed in your painting trackie bottoms and the same t-shirt as yesterday… I digress.
So Learn how to argue. Both of you. Properly. And by properly I don’t mean learn how to win. In fact if winning arguments is all you’re about, leave those relationships now because they’re not going to survive the first year of baby. You are going to get tired, hungry, upset, paranoid, terrified, jealous and angry and you’ll probably take it out on your spouse/mother/best friend and vice versa so you BOTH need to learn to argue healthily. Which is without accusation, bitterness, maliciousness or violence. You need to be able to be in an argument without taking it or giving it personally. Yes, get angry or frustrated but try and avoid blame or exaggerated accusations, the things you can’t take back.
And I don’t mean don’t argue at all – simmering resentment maybe the one thing even more destructive than a good humdinger of a shouting match. So Vent; it’s helpful, but finger pointing hatred, whilst sometimes immediately satisfying, is damaging beyond belief. Especially when you will almost immediately need to go to your child to calm or soothe or feed them. They pick up on every tiny emotion coarsing through your veins.
And above all learn when an apology, acceptance, understanding and joining yourselves back together is what you actually absolutely need to do. Because if there’s one thing harder than forgiving dipshit, its doing this on your own.
But xxxx me it’s hard.